


Perched in the Soul

by vanillafluffy



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-14 23:25:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7195499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillafluffy/pseuds/vanillafluffy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is pragmatic; he remembers how much hope can hurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perched in the Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by Emily Dickinson, "Hope" is the thing with feathers:
> 
> http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/42889

He remembers, eventually, from the cascade of glass shards that are his memory, something his mother used to say: "Don't get your hopes up.". That was about childish wants, impractical in the light of reality. _You want a bicycle? Don't get your hopes up, we need to pay bills first. Don't get your hopes up about going to the circus, it's almost time to buy new school clothes. Don't get you hopes up about anything, just be grateful for what you have and if anything good does happen, won't that be nice?_ (They didn't call it the Depression for nothing.) 

Those long ago wishes--and their often unsatisfactory conclusions--seem almost laughable now. Because how many times was he thawed, and had a glimmer of his past and think that finally this time he was going to remember who he was? That kid who was disconsolate because they couldn't afford a dog and all the expense that went into it--he didn't have an inkling about what disappointment really was. 

He has learned that hope can destroy as painfully as despair, and so he has developed the knack of not getting his hopes up. _See, Momma? Little Jimmy is a big boy now._ He makes plans, A,B and C, neatly labeled, preparing for the worst. Hope for the best? Never. 

He isn't unhappy. He continues to elude Hydra's clutches. His memory is returning a little at a time. So, while his expectations for the future are modest, they are at least realistic. 

And who knows? Maybe one of these days, he _can_ have a dog. 

...


End file.
